Many alternatives to the Paulson rescue plan have been floated in the last few weeks, but this one has to beat them all.

John Hagelin, a self-described "world-renowned quantum physicist," says large groups of experts practicing advanced transcendental meditation techniques of Maharishi Mahesh Yogi can be mobilized in New York City and other global financial centers to defuse stress and fear.

Hagelin claims nearly 2,000 people at the "Maharishi University of Management" in Fairfield, Iowa, are already "helping to calm the nation in the midst of the global crisis."

But he advises that "a larger, more powerful group of 8,000 experts (the square root of one percent of the world's population) is needed to neutralize worldwide fears and re-establish confidence in the global markets."

The cost to establish this group on a permanent basis, Hagelin said, "would be negligible compared to what has been lost in a single hour during the current financial crisis."

My first thought was this was a complete fabrication with no basis in reality, but the Associated Press recently documented Hagelin's role in the transcendental meditation movement in the aftermath of the death of its founder, Maharishi Mahesh Yogi.

So if today's new plan to recapitalize banks doesn't work, I'm thinking Congress has probably already given Treasury the authority it would need to back an expansion of the Maharishi University of Management under The Emergency Economic Stabilization Act of 2008.

It's comforting to know we haven't tried everything yet.

Isn't it?

According to the PA, luxury UK retailer Selfridges has launched a new premium chocolate it's calling "Credit Crunch".

It was launched to "tempt shoppers looking for comfort food amid a diet of news dominated by economic woe."

Your wallet may need a rescue plan after buying it though; a 5oz. bag costs over $7. 

Film footage courtesy The Dark Knight.

A demonstrator at yesterday's hearings on Capitol Hill lets Bernanke and Paulson know what he really thinks about the bailout plan: See photo here.

Summer's arrived, which means it's once again time to spread panic about mosquitoes carrying West Nile virus breeding in the swimming pools of abandoned and foreclosed properties (the clip above was posted to YouTube by Sacramento, Calif. TV station KCRA). These warnings usually originate with local mosquito control districts, and are not as far-fetched as they might sound (see previous post).

Image courtesy of The Onion

Seems like the housing market slump is affecting all segments of the market...

In a story published in the Onion today it seems there has been a nationwide slump in Creepy-Mansion sales. "Thousands of creepy mansions like these are tied up in Escrow or ancient blood curses," reports the publication.

"Two years ago, a four-bedroom with a triple homicide would ignite a bidding war among young couples desperate to get into what they naïvely thought would be their dream home," Trammel says. "We were handing out 30-year fixed rate [mortgages] with nothing down to anyone who was willing to ignore the spine-tingling whispers emanating from the basement. But since the market crashed, people don't even want to look inside."

Not all is doom and gloom however, the article reports some hope that the market might turn around.

He cites a new report from the National Association of Realtors that shows a marked increase in the number of new homes built atop ancients sites of unspeakable evil where the blood of innocents was shed upon an altar of stone.

I guess that's good news!

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- A vendor at the National Association of Realtors' mid-year trade expo, which opened today, uses celebrity names to promote personalized nameplates and license plate frames.

The "Six Percent" -- a boat in Alameda, Calif.

We don't know whether this boat belongs to a real estate broker ...

Have you ever marvelled at those succinct little plot synopses in the TV listings page? They are particularly a hoot when the author has to tackle the long list of improbable events that comprise a single episode of a daytime soap opera. Here's my attempt at summarizing a little drama that played out on the Web today:

"When Carol makes fun of Kris and Steve's canned food drive, comparing the husband and wife team to Barbie and Ken, Jay calls Carol a fool, a hypocrite, and a disgrace to the real estate profession. Carol's boss Glenn fires her and apologizes to Kris but leaves the offending post for the world to see as proof of his passion for transparency."

Times may be tough for mortgage lenders, but originators with great sales chops -- or executives who control their company's purse strings -- may soon be talking their way aboard a Royal Caribbean cruise ship on their employer's dime.

The Mortgage Leader Cruise departs Miami on Feb. 22, with stops in San Juan, St. Thomas and St. Maarten.

Although a berth in the 387-square-foot grand suite with balcony will set you back $3,999 per person, you can justify the expense by pointing out the potential rewards for attending seminars like "Selling Higher Priced Products against Lower Priced Competition: Increase your sales and income immediately. Learn how to sell more, faster, easier, and at higher prices and profits – in any market!"

Given the number of lenders that went belly up making "exploding" ARM loans, you might decide not to mention another, unfortunately titled seminar when pitching the trip to your boss: "How to use the Web to Explode Your Business."

You would assume that the seminar "Save Money on Your Taxes – Big Time" will cover whether the cost of this cruise ship "conference" is tax deductible.

If $3,999 is too rich for your employer, a 317-square-foot junior suite with balcony is only $3,499 per person. If you don't mind slumming, the 214-square-foot "superior ocean view cabin" is $2,799 per person.

"Never before has there been a conference in which all of your speaker presentations, continuing education, food, entertainment and incredible excursions are included in the cost of the conference," the Web site for the cruise promises.

After all the bad press the company got when it planned to put 30 correspondent lenders up at a luxury ski resort near Vail this winter, I'm guessing the organizers aren't counting on Countrywide Financial reserving any berths.